Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
