I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
