I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
