She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
