my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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