I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
