don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
