Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
