whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
