For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
