i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
