Dual....:-)
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
