You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
