Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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