her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
