Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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