from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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