And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
