So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
