i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
