her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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