we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
