I cannot find my penis.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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