He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
