I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
