She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
