I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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