I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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