i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
