You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
