If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
