I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
