It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
