And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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