i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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