I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
