just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
