is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
