woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
