Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
