i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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