Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
