Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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