i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
