it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
