He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
