I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
