Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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