i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
