I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
